Compare and Despair

I did not come up with this nifty little phrase, so do not credit it to me, but isn't it the truth?  I don't know about you, but I think comparing yourself to others can be the quickest route to joylessness.  But yet, I do it all the time: 

• I should find time to exercise like Midge my co-worker.  
• I wish my hair was that color. 
• I wish I could go on vacations like my friend Barbie.  
• I wish I was more organized like the lady that writes this blog.
• Why does Skipper have it so together and I'm such a mess?

If those are just a few that came off the top of my head, imagine the running stream that goes on all day!  If you are anything like me, let's try to stop this and be reasonable.  For example, before starting this blog I looked at some "mom" blogs that were pretty intimidating. 
They had tabs for "tools" they refer to in their blog.  Tools?  For what?  I thought this was a mommy blog and I would read something funny about someone else that has a child with grotesque, sticky day-care nose. I didn't know I needed to bring my "tools" or find my "tools".  

I read further and find out these tools are things like recipes for organic cleaning products, recipes for healthy food, meal plans, specifically branded plastic bins, etc.  I thought, "Well, I can't do this.  I have nowhere near the knowledge or resources this person has.  Plus, I'm not that organized, happy, perfect."
But then I thought, who is?  And how can I be like these super-mom bloggers when they probably do this for a living and I work 40 hours or more a week with a 2 and a half hour commute each day?  I barely have time to pick up milk let alone make my own toilet bowl scrub.
Then I thought, these blogs are terrible, how dare these super-moms put this stuff out there and make us struggling moms feel inadequate!  What terrible people!

But no, they aren't terrible people, they are doing what they love to do: be organized and on the ball and basically the smug "know-it-all" you all remember from high school.  Let's face it, if I didn't have the schedule I did I would probably have the same kind of blog or at least be just as organized as them (maybe).  And everything and everyone has its/their place.  These sites can actually be helpful if you kind-of edit them down.

I have found that when I stumble upon one of such blogs that it is more helpful to find ONE THING to take away from it that is helpful and not to focus on ALL the things they suggest you do.  Otherwise, hyperventilating and self-loathing will set it very quickly.  Either that or you will end up at Target or online spending a fortune on plastic storage boxes.
Like I mentioned last time, I think one step at a time is the way to go.  With lots of things.  Finding joy, mommy blogs, whatever, one step at a time.  So cliche, but true.

Another example from what I will now refer to as my "joyless period"...
My husband, Nic, works third shift and I work 8am-4:30pm and have a 1 hour and 15 minute commute each way.  Abby, our daughter, needs to eat around 5:30 or 6:00.  So, unless I have something ready to go in the fridge to warm up or something in the crock pot, I can't cook and have something on the table by 5:30 or 6:00.  My husband likes to cook and is very good at it, but alas, he is male and has zero planning skills or foresight.  I would get these calls at about 4:00 at work, "What should we have for dinner tonight?"  Or, "Can you pick up chicken, shiitake mushrooms and parsley?"
My response to these calls was always, "What?"  And then in my head and sometimes out loud, "What part of cooking dinner don't you understand?  Cooking dinner includes picking out a recipe and buying groceries."

Men need to be told this I learned.

So, since I hadn't learned that men need to be told this at least 27 and a half times before it actually sinks in I remembered that I had once heard about "Meal Planning".  I  thought, what a great idea!  I will have a schedule of meals set up and we'll make the same shopping list each week and I can make things on the weekend to have ready for Nic to cook up.  It will work so well!  I'll just do a little research online on how this works best.

Okay, so I end up on aforementioned intimidating "mommy" blog and this woman is telling me to master the intricacies of the Google calendar, read her recipes, go to this site and get this recipe, set up things so I email myself to remember this or that ingredient, don't forget to make sure I have vegetables secretly hidden in things so Abby isn't malnourished and the hyperventilating begins.
Then before completely dissolving I call my friend and say, "Do you do meal plans?"
She says, "What's that?  Rushing to the store after work and buying a box of pasta and a can of sauce?"
I immediately felt better.

So, do we eat dinner?  Yes, but we don't "meal plan".  Nic now has a set arsenal of recipes that he rotates, some nights we eat leftovers, some nights we make a pizza with a vegetable as a side.  On weekends I very rarely cook for the week, but sometimes I make dinner on a Saturday night.  It has somehow worked itself out.  I just had to keep kind of beating it into him.  And I didn't need to inflict the "Super-Mom Meal Plan of the Century for Perfect People" upon our already frantic lifestyle.  It would have been way too rigid for us to keep up with.  And then, that invites thoughts of failure, "Oh, my God, I can't even stick to the meal plan!  I'm no good!  My child will now get scurvy."  Ridiculous.
One positive thing did happen because of my meal plan adventure.  I found a very good recipe for tilapia that my daughter loves and I can prepare it the night before in 10 minutes and have Nic bake it for us while I'm driving home. 
Again, my point, one recipe.  Not a whole meal plan and all the trimmings.  One simple recipe.  Joy!