Again, the silver lining, another cliche, but a really valuable thing to learn: how to find the silver lining in all situations and people you meet. I find if I cannot find something good or at least funny that I can laugh about in every person or situation that life becomes rather unbearable and joyless. There are so many people out there, it seems especially now when the nation is so uptight and stressed in general, that the Debbie Downers are everywhere...wah, wah, waaaaah.
By the way, I hope all of you have seen the Debbie Downer skits from Saturday Night Live a few years ago. If you have not, Google "Debbie Downer" and watch a couple on YouTube. You will suddenly recognize people you work with, people in your family, and frighteningly, maybe yourself.
Debbie just thinks that everything is awful, despicable and unacceptable. It becomes so funny as you watch a skit because you can't believe that anyone could be so outrageously negative, but I can name at least five people off the top of my head that I know are Debbie Downers. Ugh.
I have found that I can be a Debbie Downer about myself, but not so much about others. I am much more willing to cut myself down than another person, but that's a topic for another post. I have also found that over the years I am getting better at finding positive things in bad or difficult situations rather than resorting to throwing myself a pity party.
An example of a few Debbie Downers I recently experienced:
I am a software trainer for UW-Madison and am currently training PeopleSoft to all of UW System. So, basically, lately, I have been traveling around the state with others on the PeopleSoft Training Team (who I like, fortunately) and dealing with mostly older state employees that are being confronted with ...gasp!...CHANGE!!!
This is certainly on paper a Debbie Downer situation and we have encountered many Debbie Downers as we traveled around the state, but a particular group of people that I trained took the cake. It was a great example of how a few rotten apples can ruin the whole bunch.
I happened to be training this group of people by myself. I usually have a partner with me so, by design, we can save the other one from a horrible question or take over when one of us is ready to pass out or kill a Debbie Downer. Well, I did not have that luxury on this day.
So, I know it's a rough group when they start coming in a half hour early for class and my manager is telling them that he emailed them that the class doesn't start until 9:00. Mr.Debbie Downer, an old man who had long past retirement age, immediately glowers, "I have a job, you know. I could have used that extra half hour." Then he looks around with his little beady eyes waiting for somebody to apologize to him. I wasn't going to do it and neither did my manager, thank God. If he doesn't read his email, that's not our fault.
Then, as the session gets started I realize I have a major classroom disrupter. The adult version of the kid you send to the office 5 minutes into class every day. Except, this is adult education and you can't send them anywhere or tell them to leave. She interrupts me at least every 5 minutes with a screeching, "QUESTION!". She then would proceed to ask something that has nothing to do with what I'm talking about and stare at me like I'm no better than the dirt beneath her shoe. When I would respond that we will get to that or that we're not really getting that deep into things, she would scoff or continue to ask questions until I had completely forgotten what I was originally talking about.
Then, while Screech Owl is hooting away and others are asking legitimate questions, I have to try to ignore Mr. Debbie Downer right in front of me mumbling to himself and grumbling until he eventually falls asleep, his head hanging awkwardly to the side, mouth slightly open...at least I don't have to deal with him anymore.
I get to explaining how to enter a Floating Holiday into the new system (really exciting stuff, huh?) and my mind is blown at the rudeness and childishness of this group. I explain that a Floating Holiday is like Christmas on a Saturday or any other day an employee wouldn't normally be working and I immediately hear from someone that I hadn't thought was a Debbie Downer, "That's not what a Floating Holiday is!"
Again, not only a rude interruption, but what the hell is she talking about??? I'm sorry, but everyone I've talked to since this session has agreed with me that a Floating Holiday is like Christams on a Saturday. I have no idea what to say, so I ask her what a Floating Holiday is. She just says, pointing to my example on the projector that that is not it. So, basically, she can't articulate to me what a Floating Holiday is, just that what I'm telling people is wrong.
I am getting irritated with her rude, disruptive protestations, so I stop, look at her and say, "Okay, I'm moving on. If you need clarification on what a Floating Holiday is, then you can talk to the subject matter expert."
I was not rude, just direct.
She shuts up and glowers and grumbles in her seat for the rest of the day and the whole next day. And I think, "Is it worth it to expend so much energy on being right on something, to insist that something that is right is wrong? If you are feeling so out of control because of a change, is it fair to attack the messenger that is trying to help you?"
I can tell you this, if she calls me for help, she will be at the bottom of my priority list, as will Screech Owl and the sleeping Mr. Debbie Downer.
In an effort to make the next session better, I create a sheet with a little car on it titled, "Parking Lot". I start class the next day asking participants to please write their questions down rather than just asking them the minute they pop into their heads. I explain that we will stop every half hour or so and go over their "Parking Lot" questions. I expect a comment, but nobody protests.
Well, guess what, Screech Owl wasn't in the room when I explained this and 5 minutes in to class I hear the screeching, "QUESTION!". Ugh. I turn with what I know is a nasty look towards her, but my silver lining begins to glimmer as I realize the class is on my side. The woman next to the owl slams her hand down on the Parking Lot sheet and says, "PARKING LOT!".
I don't hear a peep from Screech Owl for the rest of the day.
I so wanted to laugh and high five the lady that saved me. I was starting to feel like I was going crazy and this lady made me realize that most people are rational and normal and that these bad apples were overtaking the class. Between me and my friend next to Screech Owl, we settled them down.
I could have gone home and cried about this and turned into a Debbie Downer myself, but instead I told people about the sleeping old man, asked them what they thought a Floating Holiday was, and did my best impression of the Screech Owl and we laughed. I validated that it was, in fact, the class that was nuts, not me. And I found the silver lining, however warped it was, that crazy people can be mildly entertaining and that I wasn't the only one in the class suffering at the hands of the Mr. and Ms. Debbie Downers in our class.
Also, as a bonus silver lining, I was telling the story to my husband and imitating Screech Owl by going, "QUESTION! QUESTION!" and my daughter, who is at the age where she imitates everything we do, starts walking around the kitchen going, "QUESTION, QUESTION!"
If a two-year-old hopping around the kitchen imitating an adult who was acting like a two-year-old doesn't make you laugh, then you are a Debbie Downer.
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